Chapter 1
This blog, a term I dislike, as does Ursula K. LeGuin, who I suggest reading, was inspired by the first article linked below. Rambling, random perhaps, as always subject to review, corrections and additions. Any constructive criticism is welcome. Of course there will be some personal stories. Before I had to find a job that paid well I was a journalism/English student, and try to be a story teller.
A famous and successful author, I don't remember who, once said to students, "If you ever write something you think is perfect, you won't be successful."
There are two kinds of learning, from others, or from experience. Learning from others can prevent unpleasant experiences.
The article above is consistent with traits of all achievers. Set goals, break them down to smaller goals, do that again as necessary.
Find mentors, and be one. The most rewarding part of my job as a supervisor at Coastal was teaching new college graduates all that I could. I learned from them as well.
One was a young man named Craig, brand new college grad. He was dyslexic, obvious in his writing. I can't imagine how difficult it was for him to get through college. Long ago, the daughter of a friend was dyslexic, she managed to get through college thanks to people who helped her, reading to her, helping her write, inspiring her.
One morning Craig was waiting for me outside my closed office door. I asked him to wait while I got coffee. When I returned he showed me the reconciliation he'd finished of receipts and deliveries to and from a petroleum products terminal somewhere in New England.
He told me he was missing some truck tickets, and had called a Mr. Ridley the previous Thursday. I asked, "You called who?" He had called the executive VP for the Northeast region. The missing tickets were faxed the next day. I told him he'd done a great job, and waited for my phone to ring.
It did. It was the terminal manager. "Reynolds, I'm going to straighten you out on a few things...." It was a brutal winter, truck drivers delivering much needed home heating oil, ice snow, harsh winds, filling out delivery tickets in the cabs of their trucks. We had an interesting discussion, gained mutual respect, and became friends.
We all need people who are "sounding boards", bouncing off ideas, opinions, learning from each other, constructive criticism. "Brainstorming" can be a huge benefit. Let imaginations run, throw ideas out for discussion, expand horizons and opportunities.
One of your top priorities should always be taking care of yourself, healthy balanced diet, regular exercise, cardio, all of your life. A lot of physical and mental problems can be prevented to an extent, including diabetes and back/joint problems.
Learn to cook, and to shop for food. It's much less expensive than restaurants, more healthy, and perhaps you can preserve and pass on family traditional meals. Popcorn, a Sunday family tradition, mom popped it in an old skillet. I use a modern air popper, much better than earlier versions, and Amish white popcorn.
Note "less expensive". If you want to be financially independent and successful, you must learn to budget, be frugal, know what you spend, save a little of all you make. See my blogs on personal finance.
Walk, ride a bike, explore. Be aware of your surroundings, look for the beauty in our world. Take a camera, learn photography, the "photographer's eye". Share the beauty you discover.
Avoid tobacco and addictive drugs, if you choose to use alcoholic beverages do so responsibly. Unfortunately alcohol is a social lubricant. The interview for my first oil trading job was four beers each in a bar not far from our office, no food, "OK, you'll do, you better get back to work." Early deaths and divorces were common in the trading business.
Read, a lot. If you were fortunate to have parents who read, and you still do, you're ahead of too many Americans. Remember my comment about two kinds of learning. Ignorance can be fixed, all of us are ignorant in many things, stupidity cannot.
Guard your integrity, keep your word, don't spread disinformation. There's been far too much disinformation and well funded propaganda spread the last few years.
If someone lies to you, doesn't follow through with promises or schedules, what do you think of them?
Learn to read body language. In the 1970s a researcher said that just 7% of communication is verbal.
Be kind to other people, always. Smile often, help others when you can, go out of your way to do so. Volunteer for good causes. You'll meet some of the best people you ever will. You benefited from many people, your family, teachers, mentors. You can't pay them back, so pay it forward.
An elderly couple ate lunch in a small restaurant. Service was horrible, the waiter was surly, delivered cold food, didn't refill drinks. The man added a 15% tip to the credit card bill, and left a $20 on the tray.
As the couple got to the door, the waiter caught up to them, and said, "Sir, I know your service was horrible, I'm sorry, so why did you leave such a large tip?"
The man smiled and said, "It was obvious you're having a bad day, I thought it might help you."
Be kind to everyone you meet. Some of the most important people in offices are the receptionists, assistants, admins. Some af them are gatekeepers. The people in our doctors' offices got cookies, or chocolates.
When I was doing income tax returns for AARP, I met some interesting people. One was a woman wearing cargo pants and vest, a fishing cap with tees instead of lures. Her job was "golf course beautifier", a gardener, landscape designer. As I was going through her paperwork, she handed me a golf tee, with writing on it, "Have a nice day". She offered me a snack bar, I told her we couldn't accept gifts.
The next morning I opened my brief case and found two snack bars and several golf tees, inscribed with positive thoughts. I'll bet she brought smiles to people wherever she went.
I give people pocket angels, probably told you how that started. I found the woman in Florida who claims to have been the original designer, and order them from her.
Learn at least one other language, most Americans don't bother. Immigrants who are bilingual or more have advantages you don't unless you learn. When you travel to other countries, at least learn to say "hello" and "thank you" in their languages. It makes a difference. I know, we've seen it.
If you cook, or have a chance to gather fresh produce, strawberry or peach picking, great adventures with kids, share with family and neighbors. If someone gives you something, reciprocate, give containers back.
Chapter 2
Research has shown that interaction with others is a key to happiness. Get involved in your community, if you own a home and there's a Home Owners Association, go to the meetings. If there's something important to be done, become a board member. Get involved with local politics. Volunteer in political campaigns. If you have children join the Parent Teachers Organization, become informed and go to school board meetings.
As I said earlier, learn to read body language. Know as much as you can about yourself, take a Myers Briggs assessment quiz. It can also help you understand other people.
When volunteering, spend time with other volunteers, go to meetings, go to training classes. In a meeting I attended a guest speaker made an important point. Your motivation must be to help others. There will be successes and there will be disappointments. However, the personal rewards are tremendous.
Chapter 3
This should be in Chapter 1, but I'm not going to rewrite it, and perhaps this is important enough to stand alone.
Communication is two way. Remember what I said about body language, yours and the people with whom you're communicating. One on one is more simple than groups, but the same principles apply.
If you're speaking to a large group it can be helpful to identify and look at one or a few more people while speaking. Try to gauge their reactions.
When I was teaching ESL, in the first class of each semester, I tried to identify someone a little more outgoing, a little more experience with English, a little more assertive perhaps, as an informal assistant. I tried to let them know I was depending on and acceptive of their help.
THE ONLY DUMB/STUPID QUESTIONS ARE THOSE THAT AREN'T ASKED!
In any conversation, class or meeting, if you have a question, ask it! As I said, communication is two way. If you have a question in a class or meeting, quite often someone else has the same question, but perhaps too shy or reticent to ask. Bonuses are letting the speaker or speakers know you're listening and interested, and showing leadership.
Unfortunately there may be someone who asks too many questions that are not helpful, trying to draw attention to themselves, make themselves feel more important. I don't have any solutions to that.
The post COVID world has made online discussions and classes necessary, which presents several problems, but I do have some thoughts on meetings.
There are several purposes for meetings, informative or to make decisions, voting.
There are people who hold what I "ego meetings", because they can, to show other people how important they are, waste of time IMO, but we have to put up with them. On second thought - I don't! Yay!
Quite often in situations where decisions have to be made, voting, such as in community meetings I mentioned earlier, and work situations, a good manager/officer/leader should know in advance what the outcome will be. In conversations before the meetings, find out how everyone involved thinks about the situation, persuade supporters, know who will be in opposition to what you want to accomplish, and have a plan to deal with objections.
That's all for now. As always, constructive criticism and advice is appreciated.
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